Hi Deborah! Let me start by saying I loved your intro! “all polished and spruced up for your perusal” was such a great sentence! Your story: I appreciated the switch of the King not being the one in the couple to have children- usually in old stories the Kings want nothing but children, so this was refreshing! The king’s decision to kick his wife out was such a surprise! I wonder what would have happened if the prophetess had maybe chilled a bit on the death prophecy. It’s a shame his actions prevented years of a happy family, and I wasn’t terribly heartbroken over his abrupt death-by-crocodile. This story was easy to follow and had a great flow- if anything, there was more meat to the intro/setup than there was to the final conflict. I wonder what was going through the King’s head when he went to the moat to see. I hope the Queen and her son lived a happy life in the kingdom, and that if she marries again she finds someone better than her schmuck of an ex-husband.
Hi Deborah! I greatly enjoyed this story. I couldn't figure out where it was from. Then I realized in the author's notes that it was because the original story was a Jakata tale that I did not read. You did an outstanding job setting up this story, and changing it form monkeys to humans. I thought it was very creative to make it so that the king was eaten by crocodiles in the moat, compared to the original version. What if the son pushed the king in for revenge? That might be a little too dark for your taste, but I am just throwing ideas out there. I wonder why the king went so close to the moat. He has lived there for so long that he should know the danger of the crocodiles. Maybe you could elaborate, by saying that the king had never gone to the moat because no one had ever made it across! I loved this story, you are an amazing writer.
Hey Deborah! First of all I love how clean your page looks. It is very easy to navigate and to read. This sis such an important aspect of the project that I think people forget about, because adding images and fancy text can be fun but also distracting sometimes. I like how the text flows in how you wrote it, and the stories themselves were both informative and still interesting. I really like how you made the authors note in a different text size and color, because it made it look very professional. Your writing is beautiful and it's so easy to keep track of the story in the way that you presented it. I do suggest however, that you add the titles in the sidebars themselves. Putting "story I" and "story II" is just a tad boring compared to the work that you have, and I think the stories deserve that recognition. Overall, great job! Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more in your site as you complete another story.
I am so glad that I looked through your project website. Your intro was fabulous. Some of your word choices are truly outstanding. I read through your first story, and it was quite engaging throughout. You did an excellent job of gaining the reader’s attention. I think it was great that your story was able to come full circle. The wife of the king was kicked out of the kingdom, but she returned to her “throne” so to speak when her son gained entrance at the demise of the king. The plot was excellent. I also think it is great that the story focused on the king not wanting to have kids. I feel that this is a real struggle that many couples actually go through. This can be a big source of tension for a relationship. It was cool to see that dynamic work in your story. Great job!
Great first story! You're a natural storyteller. You did a great job setting up the characters and the setting. I hate when I start a story and I'm three or four paragraphs in but I still don't have a feel for the story. The way you described your story instantly transported me to the king's castle. Something else I really enjoyed about your story was how clear it was. While you had interesting details, I could tell that you didn't have any filler just to make the story longer. I never felt like the story was going off course or diverting from your main points. And honestly, when I see stories that are filled with a lot of extra, unnecessary stuff, I usually stop reading because its too hard to digest. I myself have a problem with rambling when I'm storytelling, so I'm going to need to take a few pointers from you! Excited to see what else you create!
Hi Deborah! I like the set-up of your website. The banner image is fun and intriguing and I love your description: "all polished and spruced up." It adds a nice satirical element to your website. I really enjoyed your first story. I love stories with ironic endings. The story flowed nicely and was easy to understand and navigate. I like how your Author's Note clearly explains where/how you got the inspiration for your story. In your second story, you use great details like not having the mangoes for breakfast and the monkey eating the bracelet to add comic tones throughout your story. I like how you combined two well-known religious stories to create this tale I also really appreciate how large your font is, it is very easy to read. It's clear you have a knack for writing and retelling stories. Keep it up and I look forward to reading the rest of the stories in your portfolio.
Hi Deborah! Your stories were very nice. They both revolved around a king and kingdoms, which provided a nice element of continuity. You did a good job reworking the jataka by sticking pretty closely to the original story but also making the relationship between the wife and husband more interesting. While reading, it felt like an argument a modern day couple could be having, minus the prophetess. I also enjoyed the irony in the second story of a powerful king feeling small in such a large position, particularly when someone yelled at him for bowing. It was also clever how to melded two stories together. The conflict between the mothers was completely unexpected but added a good twist. Giving the baby to the mother with truly selfless love was a great to end the story. Good job!
Hey Deborah! Your intro was super helpful and explained everything that needed to be explained. I really liked how you spiced up the vocab! I really appreciated your writing style. I really expected the child to be angry that his father had kicked his mother out and that his father wanted nothing to do with him. I figured he would want to kill his father out of anger! Instead he just wanted to meet him and inadvertently got his father killed! So what the lady predicted turned out to be true, only in a different way than i expected. I know that my wife and I are not ready for kids but only because we both want to graduate first, not because I worry one will kill me! Good job setting up the story and the reasoning behind the king's death. I enjoyed the stories and your writing style! Keep up the good work!
Hey Deborah! I wanted to first mention how much I loved your banner image on your home page, the other banner images were really pretty yet simple too. I also liked that you gave a summary about what stories you will be telling us throughout the semester. This was a great way to get us thinking and ready for what was to come, and acted like sort of background information! The first story was very interesting and while I was reading it I couldn't help but remember many other stories that we have read that have the same type of theme. A father is told (or anybody for that matter) that his son (or a family member) will kill him and so the person decides to exile the "problem", only to find out in the end that the prophecy came true. The second story was also a classic one but good one, I really liked your take on it and found it very interesting. The third story was quite a relief and I was glad to hear that Draupadi was able to stay with her husbands! Hopefully they'll think twice when gambling in the future... doubtful.
Hi Deborah! I like the way that you did for your portfolio so far! It seems very unique, casual, and creative! Especially with the image you have on for your home screen. I definitely appreciate that you created a background information on your home page on what you will be doing for your portfolio because it makes sense. Therefore, I should have thought of that myself! Overall, your stories are amazing. It is so creative that I could understand that it came from your personality as a person. I know for a fact that you put into a lot of effort for your stories and your portfolio as a whole. Therefore, I applaud for that! I especially love how you provided a broad description about your stories in your author’s note to have a better understanding for the readers. Overall, I just want to keep this short and simple that you did an amazing job for your portfolio project. Keep up the great work, Deborah!
Hi Deborah! I just visited your website and I wanted to say it looks great! I love the little description you put for what this website was going to be, especially the "all polished and spruced up for your perusal part." I like that you have little descriptions of what your stories are about. I have the same thing on my website too. All the images you have used for the banner image in each story fits perfectly with the theme of that story! I'm also loving the different font color you decided to go with. Also, I'm really glad you put your dice story on your website. I got to the read this story once on your blog, and I absolutely loved it! I still love it now too! I'm glad that you put in your author's note that you did a more research and found out the history behind the dice game. It also makes so much sense to me now as well, and now I don't feel as irritated with Yudhisthira. Your website is looking really good! Keep up the good work!
I looked at your portfolio and it looks nice! I like the photos you used in your titles and stories. The dice game one really had been engaged! Such a great story. You really seem to enjoy writing your stories and having little descriptions for people to read and gain some knowledge before reading. Just as you did, I looked up the dice game history! Great work!
Hi Deborah!
ReplyDeleteLet me start by saying I loved your intro! “all polished and spruced up for your perusal” was such a great sentence!
Your story: I appreciated the switch of the King not being the one in the couple to have children- usually in old stories the Kings want nothing but children, so this was refreshing! The king’s decision to kick his wife out was such a surprise! I wonder what would have happened if the prophetess had maybe chilled a bit on the death prophecy. It’s a shame his actions prevented years of a happy family, and I wasn’t terribly heartbroken over his abrupt death-by-crocodile.
This story was easy to follow and had a great flow- if anything, there was more meat to the intro/setup than there was to the final conflict. I wonder what was going through the King’s head when he went to the moat to see. I hope the Queen and her son lived a happy life in the kingdom, and that if she marries again she finds someone better than her schmuck of an ex-husband.
Hi Deborah!
ReplyDeleteI greatly enjoyed this story. I couldn't figure out where it was from. Then I realized in the author's notes that it was because the original story was a Jakata tale that I did not read. You did an outstanding job setting up this story, and changing it form monkeys to humans. I thought it was very creative to make it so that the king was eaten by crocodiles in the moat, compared to the original version. What if the son pushed the king in for revenge? That might be a little too dark for your taste, but I am just throwing ideas out there. I wonder why the king went so close to the moat. He has lived there for so long that he should know the danger of the crocodiles. Maybe you could elaborate, by saying that the king had never gone to the moat because no one had ever made it across! I loved this story, you are an amazing writer.
Hey Deborah! First of all I love how clean your page looks. It is very easy to navigate and to read. This sis such an important aspect of the project that I think people forget about, because adding images and fancy text can be fun but also distracting sometimes. I like how the text flows in how you wrote it, and the stories themselves were both informative and still interesting. I really like how you made the authors note in a different text size and color, because it made it look very professional. Your writing is beautiful and it's so easy to keep track of the story in the way that you presented it. I do suggest however, that you add the titles in the sidebars themselves. Putting "story I" and "story II" is just a tad boring compared to the work that you have, and I think the stories deserve that recognition. Overall, great job! Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more in your site as you complete another story.
ReplyDeleteHi Deborah,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that I looked through your project website. Your intro was fabulous. Some of your word choices are truly outstanding. I read through your first story, and it was quite engaging throughout. You did an excellent job of gaining the reader’s attention. I think it was great that your story was able to come full circle. The wife of the king was kicked out of the kingdom, but she returned to her “throne” so to speak when her son gained entrance at the demise of the king. The plot was excellent. I also think it is great that the story focused on the king not wanting to have kids. I feel that this is a real struggle that many couples actually go through. This can be a big source of tension for a relationship. It was cool to see that dynamic work in your story. Great job!
-Andy
Hi Deborah!
ReplyDeleteGreat first story! You're a natural storyteller. You did a great job setting up the characters and the setting. I hate when I start a story and I'm three or four paragraphs in but I still don't have a feel for the story. The way you described your story instantly transported me to the king's castle. Something else I really enjoyed about your story was how clear it was. While you had interesting details, I could tell that you didn't have any filler just to make the story longer. I never felt like the story was going off course or diverting from your main points. And honestly, when I see stories that are filled with a lot of extra, unnecessary stuff, I usually stop reading because its too hard to digest. I myself have a problem with rambling when I'm storytelling, so I'm going to need to take a few pointers from you! Excited to see what else you create!
Hi Deborah! I like the set-up of your website. The banner image is fun and intriguing and I love your description: "all polished and spruced up." It adds a nice satirical element to your website. I really enjoyed your first story. I love stories with ironic endings. The story flowed nicely and was easy to understand and navigate. I like how your Author's Note clearly explains where/how you got the inspiration for your story. In your second story, you use great details like not having the mangoes for breakfast and the monkey eating the bracelet to add comic tones throughout your story. I like how you combined two well-known religious stories to create this tale I also really appreciate how large your font is, it is very easy to read. It's clear you have a knack for writing and retelling stories. Keep it up and I look forward to reading the rest of the stories in your portfolio.
ReplyDeleteHi Deborah! Your stories were very nice. They both revolved around a king and kingdoms, which provided a nice element of continuity. You did a good job reworking the jataka by sticking pretty closely to the original story but also making the relationship between the wife and husband more interesting. While reading, it felt like an argument a modern day couple could be having, minus the prophetess. I also enjoyed the irony in the second story of a powerful king feeling small in such a large position, particularly when someone yelled at him for bowing. It was also clever how to melded two stories together. The conflict between the mothers was completely unexpected but added a good twist. Giving the baby to the mother with truly selfless love was a great to end the story. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Deborah!
ReplyDeleteYour intro was super helpful and explained everything that needed to be explained. I really liked how you spiced up the vocab! I really appreciated your writing style. I really expected the child to be angry that his father had kicked his mother out and that his father wanted nothing to do with him. I figured he would want to kill his father out of anger! Instead he just wanted to meet him and inadvertently got his father killed! So what the lady predicted turned out to be true, only in a different way than i expected. I know that my wife and I are not ready for kids but only because we both want to graduate first, not because I worry one will kill me! Good job setting up the story and the reasoning behind the king's death. I enjoyed the stories and your writing style! Keep up the good work!
Hey Deborah!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to first mention how much I loved your banner image on your home page, the other banner images were really pretty yet simple too. I also liked that you gave a summary about what stories you will be telling us throughout the semester. This was a great way to get us thinking and ready for what was to come, and acted like sort of background information!
The first story was very interesting and while I was reading it I couldn't help but remember many other stories that we have read that have the same type of theme. A father is told (or anybody for that matter) that his son (or a family member) will kill him and so the person decides to exile the "problem", only to find out in the end that the prophecy came true.
The second story was also a classic one but good one, I really liked your take on it and found it very interesting.
The third story was quite a relief and I was glad to hear that Draupadi was able to stay with her husbands! Hopefully they'll think twice when gambling in the future... doubtful.
Hi Deborah! I like the way that you did for your portfolio so far! It seems very unique, casual, and creative! Especially with the image you have on for your home screen. I definitely appreciate that you created a background information on your home page on what you will be doing for your portfolio because it makes sense. Therefore, I should have thought of that myself! Overall, your stories are amazing. It is so creative that I could understand that it came from your personality as a person. I know for a fact that you put into a lot of effort for your stories and your portfolio as a whole. Therefore, I applaud for that! I especially love how you provided a broad description about your stories in your author’s note to have a better understanding for the readers. Overall, I just want to keep this short and simple that you did an amazing job for your portfolio project. Keep up the great work, Deborah!
ReplyDeleteHi Deborah! I just visited your website and I wanted to say it looks great! I love the little description you put for what this website was going to be, especially the "all polished and spruced up for your perusal part." I like that you have little descriptions of what your stories are about. I have the same thing on my website too. All the images you have used for the banner image in each story fits perfectly with the theme of that story! I'm also loving the different font color you decided to go with. Also, I'm really glad you put your dice story on your website. I got to the read this story once on your blog, and I absolutely loved it! I still love it now too! I'm glad that you put in your author's note that you did a more research and found out the history behind the dice game. It also makes so much sense to me now as well, and now I don't feel as irritated with Yudhisthira. Your website is looking really good! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Deborah,
ReplyDeleteI looked at your portfolio and it looks nice! I like the photos you used in your titles and stories. The dice game one really had been engaged! Such a great story. You really seem to enjoy writing your stories and having little descriptions for people to read and gain some knowledge before reading. Just as you did, I looked up the dice game history! Great work!